Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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