my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
