I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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