Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
