I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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