based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
