Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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