I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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