Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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