he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am naked and annoyed.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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