Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
