i don't like sucking hair
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You can't motorboat a personality
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
