great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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