I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
