Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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