why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
