the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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