She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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