you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
