im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
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The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.