bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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