I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
