Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
