I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
