Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just want nice things and good sex
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
