We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
