dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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