I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
