Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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