Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
