Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
barbara walters just said penis...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
