He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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