My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
