it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
