Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
