These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
this hospital has no fireball
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
