do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
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My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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