The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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