Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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