i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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