1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
