Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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