found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
