K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
