I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize