He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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