Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
