I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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