I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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