4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
