Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
