My first STD was from a foam party
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
