There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
