What a fucking waste of an outfit
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
