They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
