It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
