There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
