I didn't shave. On purpose
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
