Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
