You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
