We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
