and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
