Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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