Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
