porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
