We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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