I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
