Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He called his prostate his "boner button".
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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