I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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