i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
