Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
