ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
